Absolutely nuts

The Grauniad, of course:

The emissions cuts offered so far at the Copenhagen climate change summit would still lead to global temperatures rising by an average of 3C, according to a confidential UN analysis obtained by the Guardian. . . .

And it was a super, super secret analysis. How'd the Grauniad get it? Whatever, all is not lost.

Tonight hopes of the summit producing a deal were rising after the US, the world's biggest historical polluter, moved to save the talks from collapse.

The secretary of state, Hillary Clinton, committed the US to backing a $100bn-a-year global climate fund from 2020 to shield poor countries from the ravages of global warming. Barack Obama is expected to offer even more cash when he flies
in tomorrow. . . .

I'm gonna cry like a little baby . . .

The document was drafted by the UN secretariat running the Copenhagen summit and is dated 11pm on Tuesday night. It is marked "do not distribute" and "initial draft". It shows a gap of up to 4.2 gigatonnes of carbon emissions between the present pledges and the required 2020 level of 44Gt, which is required to stay below a 2C rise. No higher offers have since been made.

God, God, God.

"Unless the remaining gap of around 1.9-4.2Gt is closed and Annexe 1 parties [rich countries] commit themselves to strong action before and after 2020, global emissions will remain on an unsustainable pathway that could lead to concentrations equal or above 550 parts per million, with the related temperature rise around 3C," it says. It does not specify a time when 3C would be reached but it is likely to be 2050.

Cry, cry, cry . . .

Greenpeace campaigner Joss Garman said: "This is an explosive document that shows the numbers on the table at the moment would lead to nothing less than climate breakdown and an extraordinarily dangerous situation for humanity.

Absolutely nuts.

Bill McKibben, founder of the campaign 350.org, said: "In one sense [sniffle] this is no secret – we've been saying it for months [badly stifled sob]. But it is powerful to have the UN confirming its own insincerity [wiping nose on sleeve]." He did not know why his name was written on the top of the document.

Huh? No other mention of that in the story. Call in CSI and do a DNA test of the tears on the document!

Amazingly, the piece gets even sillier.

Wart beats out serial killer

The Camera is counting down its top stories of 2009, and Ward's trial comes in at number 7. Whoo. Number 8 is "Boulder County's serial killer goes to prison." Kind of odd wording there, isn't it? In the "related stories" box it's "Boulder County's worst serial killer . . . ." which makes sense.

Hold me

Delingpole on the "litigation hold" on climate data issued by the DOE:

God bless America and – can I really be saying this? – God bless the legal profession! Despite the best efforts of the Obama administration, most of the world’s other governments (save the plucky Canucks), the United Nations and the Mainstream Media (MSM) to sweep Climategate under the carpet, the lawyers are putting this shoddy scandal where it belongs: in the dock. (Hat tip: Platosays)

The US Department of Energy (DOE) – under pressure, most likely, from Senator Inhofe – has issued a “Litigation Hold Notice” to its various sub-departments asking them to retain any documents pertaining to the Climatic Research Unit at University of East Anglia. Below – reports Watts Up With That - is a copy of the notice sent to the DOE’s Savannah office in South Carolina . . . .

Noot graph:

What we see encapsulated here is the corruption at the heart not just of Climategate but the whole IPCC process. Here we have the former head of one of the world’s leading climate research bodies apparently brainstorming with a colleague implicated in a fraud scandal on how best to conceal that fraud from outside investigation. . . .

It is all falling apart.

Hi-Blairity

Blair:

Climate talks in Copenhagen still have several days to run, but I’m calling it early.

Australia wins. No other nation can possibly match the level of comedy that we’ve brought to this international save-the-planet chucklefest.

Chucklefest? He means, "chuckleheadfest." Pretty funny, tho.

Glassy eyed

So bummed. Tenants were moving crap out through one of the big windows of this jolly shithole and (inadvertently, of course) busted out the nearly 100-year-old glass. Goddamnit. I love that old stuff. You look at a window in this place and you can see how it gets thicker towards the bottom because even in the early 20th century they had no QC. Now I've got to replace it with an absolutely uniform window. Crap.

Would you be so kind as to pull this fork out of my eye?

Thank you. AP:

Dozens of Colorado businesses are turning off their lights from noon to 1 p.m. Friday as part of an initiative to conserve energy.

It’s called Lights Out Lunch. Residents who pledge to turn off their lights too can get discounts from participating restaurants and a chance to win prizes.

The initiative is by Xcel Energy, the Governor’s Energy Office and the city and county of Denver.

Colorado Restaurant Association President and CEO Pete Meersman says research shows restaurants use more than five times more energy per square foot than other commercial buildings. . . .

Update: A quite long (by internet standards) piece putting the case against AGW hysteria by Martin Cohen in, of all places, Times Higher Education. He's good.

Quote of the day!

Well, actually yesterday, from one "Mohan K" in response to this WSJ article on the bogosity of "climate change":

Of course, let us wait. Let us form a committee to look into the facts behind global warming and climate change. And another committee to investigate the intentions behind denying McIntyre information. And lets campaign for yet another committee to investigate the personal lives of the scientists - to verify their reliability... And let each of these committees be constituted of several sub-committees and sub-sub-committees, which function through international multilateral processes... Sounds good.. Sounds very good to the average self-blindfolded American, debating the conspiracies behind climate change, munching on a Mc Burger and sipping coke.

Lets do that... And lets keep talking, while the world changes. While the world falls into catastrophy. While people start dying in the so called 3rd worlds. While islands start disappearing. While hospitals start filling up. While wars start for food and water. While suddenly, one day, salt water floods your office... Yes, you will still be debating, discussing, analysing, as the water level rises, and slowly drowns you.

People, it takes not science or technology or statistics or advanced calculations to know that our world is being raped by humans, and its taking its toll. You just need to get out of your billion layers of superficiality and artificial life, love yourself, and the Earth, and listen to Her... Feel with her... Try to be one with her. And you can feel her diseased pulse. You can feel her wheezing.

Damn, I'm gettin' a little wood (certain people will know I'm lying there).

I have gas

Can't tell you how many times a tenant has called and screamed, "I smell gas!" One time, a tenant was having a party and shepherded all her guests out into the cold because of the danger of explosion and burning bodies and death and glavin!

Every time, it's been a pilot light on the gas stove.

This, in case you didn't know, is not dangerous. Anyway, it just happened again. I went over with my trustee (yes, it was just put on work-release) lighter, pulled the hood of the stove up, and relit a pilot light.

Reactions: Wow! That's all? Are you sure?

Well, I won't be absolutely sure unless I find you all dead in your beds, but yeah, I'm fairly sure.

Update: OTOH.

(via Insty)

They're back, and they're pissed off

Space aliens, that is. First, a piece in the Telegraph from July, 2008 on the "flood" of UFO sightings in Britain:

Plotted on a map of Britain, the sightings can be seen to stretch from Liverpool to Dover and from Llanelli to Derby. . . .

The founder member of Strange Phenomena Investigations, added: "There has been an unusual number of sightings recently.

"Some experts believe it could be linked to global warming and craft from outer space are appearing because they are concerned about what man is doing to this planet."

They must have figured out that it's too late to save the earth (sorry, "Earth") and started mutilating Colorado cows in disgust. Front page of the Post today:

Four calves, all killed overnight. Their innards gone. Tongues sliced out. Udders carefully removed. Facial skin sliced and gone. Eyes cored away. Not a single track surrounding the carcasses, which were found in pastures locked behind two gates and a mile from any road. Not a drop of blood on the ground or even on the remaining skin. . . .

Chuck Zukowski of Colorado Springs investigated three of the eight mutilated cows in southern Colorado this year. The amateur UFO investigator and reserve deputy in El Paso County documents each scene, testing for radiation and scanning carcasses with ultraviolet light.

Despite his extraterrestrial inclinations, Zukowski's studies — found on his ufonut.com website — fall short of concluding anything paranormal [sic]. He seems certain all the animals he studied were killed and drained before they were sliced, which explains the lack of blood found near the animals.

The way the tongues were sliced off in straight lines back behind the teeth indicates it is not a predator kill, he says.

"I'm looking for obvious things," Zukowski says. "I don't like to say aliens did it. There are just too many unknowns. I like to lean on human intervention until I actually see a UFO come down and take a cow."

Well, he's more of a scientist than many climatologists, anyway.

Update: Speaking of which: "The world has just ten years to bring greenhouse gas emissions under control before the damage they cause become [sic] irreversible, the Met Office has warned."

So cold

Nine degrees below zippo, according to one measure. But, as we all know, who knows. It's very cold. Billy Bob has decided to never go out again. And only ten days till winter. GWMA.

Update: "Typical" links to a blog with a screencap of 9News.com's weather report. That's cold.